You lob. Tarot spikes.

Question marks are weird. They start one way, then they turn and go another, then turn again, then they twist and double back...and bam! They land at a point and you have to hope you landed in the right spot. My theory is that this random-looking squiggle that constantly shifts direction represents the elusive, amorphous nature of an answer.

The fact that people turn to tarot for answers really gives the question mark great significance. Or, more accurately, the question that precedes the mark becomes extremely important. In fact, a great reading—one that yields insights, perspectives, epiphanies, and inspiration—starts with asking the right question. And that can be tricky for a lot of reasons.

Sometimes, querents need help formulating a well-phrased question because fear is getting in the way. They may not want to face the full truth or feel ready to acknowledge their part in whatever’s going on, so they hedge their words. It could be a lack of self-confidence that keeps them from cutting to the heart of the matter because they don’t feel capable of taking the action they know, deep down, they have to take. I’ve found quite often that a querent’s emotions are so jumbled they can’t see things clearly enough to even identify the central issue. They can’t articulate what it is they’re looking for because they’re too close to it.

After 30 years of helping clients brand and market themselves, I’ve learned to listen deeply and recognize the “gems” when they’re spoken so I can help querents articulate the true question when they need a little boost. My knack for whittling away the extra stuff that’s distracting helps us both focus on the real meat. In my career, and in tarot, I’ve learned that the right question can reveal rich, empowering information so it’s important to think it through. The clearer and more focused your question is, the more your reading will resonate. Tarot teems with wisdom and will always share it generously. You just have to set it up for a win. You lob. Tarot spikes.

Here are a few examples of what I’m talking about. Take a look and see how asking the right question, in the right way, can lead to greater clarity and actionable guidance.

Should I buy a house?

Asking a Yes/No question for a major life decision (Should I marry him/her? Should I quit my job and backpack through Europe? Is it time to have a kid? etc.) is not something I feel comfortable doing. Aside from basing such an important matter on a couple of cards, this approach sells tarot short. It doesn’t leave any space for insight or perspective to come through. It also reduces tarot to a little game. If you asked this question and the cards said Yes, would it really change your decision or affect your desire to buy a house? Doubtful. What if the cards said No? Would that really stop you if you wanted to do it? Probably not. So then what’s the point?

A more productive and satisfying way to approach something like this would be to ask

What do I need to know about buying a house right now? or Why am I feeling reluctance to go through with the wedding? or What is it about backpacking through Europe that excites me so much?

Will I move to [CITY NAME]?

We always have free will so asking a question that starts with Will I... simply gives your power away. This goes for Will I get promoted? Will I meet my soul mate? Will I run away and join the circus? I don’t know...can you ride a unicycle?

Tarot is designed to empower you to make your own decisions. So draw some juicy power from it by asking an empowering question. Better versions look like this: What’s behind my growing feelings of restlessness?How can I present myself as ready for a promotion at work? What can I do to attract the kind of partner I want? What’s behind my intense desire to try life under the Big Top?

When will I get married?

It’s natural to want to know the answer to a When question. But asking tarot when a certain thing will happen can send you down a path of expectation and second-guessing, which leads to paralysis. We are meant to live our lives in the present and learn our lessons as we go. How we respond (or don’t respond) to those lessons is what determines how events unfold. Your free will and your choices create your path.

If you ask, “When will I get married?” and the cards say in three years, does this mean you stop looking because your soulmate is going to magically plop into your life at the designated time? What if you were meant to keep dating and that’s how you meet this person? What if you were meant to marry someone else first but get divorced, thus learning valuable life lessons that serve you in your next relationship? A much more productive question would be What patterns of behavior are limiting my romantic success? That answer yields much richer and meaningful information you can actually act upon.

What is up with [NAME OF PERSON]?

Some readers call this psychic spying because the other person can’t give their consent. For me, it’s about the energy around the table. I find it flows much easier and clearer when the querent is the star of their own question. If the reading is about someone who’s not even sitting at the table it tends to cloud things. Keep the focus on you, and any relevant information about others will likely come through anyway.

That means shifting the focus on questions like Why is my boss such a bitch? or What is up with my controlling mother-in-law? to How can I work more productively with my boss? or How can I show my mother-in-law we’re on the same side? That gives you information about how you can improve a situation that’s having a negative influence on you. You’ll feel better. You’ll see a path forward to resolution.

So I always encourage querents to think carefully about their questions, and offer help when they can’t find the words themselves.

One final thought: Notice in this entire blog I never once used the term “the wrong question.” That’s because there are no wrong questions; just questions that aren’t quite right. Yet. Remember that the tarot is designed to empower you. The right question will let it fill this role in amazing ways. You lob. Tarot spikes.